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Hello there,
When we are in a relationship some characteristics and signs can help us to identify whether if the relationship is toxic or not. Being in a relationship should not be a mandatory requirement for us to feel complete. But for a relationship to be worthwhile, it needs to bring in things that complement us, allowing us to be an even better version of ourselves.
When we are in love, we may come across some partner attitudes that are not at all positive. Often, the tendency is to find justification for these actions, even if you are very hurt.
Realizing that you are in a toxic relationship is not easy, but this is the first step to being able to get out of this situation and resume your life. Know some differences between healthy and toxic relationships to help you with this mission:
You act the same way with or without him.
With your friends and family, you're a cheerful, talkative, laid-back person, but when you're with your partner, do you feel you should be more restrained and quiet? This is not a good sign. In healthy relationships, we do not feel the need to "adjust" our behavior in the partner's presence. On the contrary, it is with him that we can be ourselves.
Your partner encourages your dreams
Even if your dreams are not exactly the same, partners who are in a healthy relationship support one another in achieving one's goals.
If on the other hand, your partner always suggests that your dreams are unreachable, that you should not go after them or even that you do not have the capacity to perform them, this attitude indicates a lack of fellowship on his part.
You feel free to do your thing and what you like
A mature partner knows that keeping other interests beyond relationship is necessary and beneficial to both people. So when you are in a healthy relationship, you feel free to maintain your friendships and practice your hobbies you used to do, whether it is running, doing a dance class, gym, attending cooking classes, and so on.
When a partner prevents you from keeping your old interests, whether by doing emotional blackmail ("I can not stay away from you!") Or outright prohibiting, for me this is a sure sign that the relationship is not healthy.
You still have your privacy
It is not uncommon to find jokes about the fact that a person is very afraid that his partner will discover the password of the cell phone. While many people see it as a laughing stock, the way a couple deals with privacy can also be a sign that it is a toxic relationship.
When you have a healthy relationship, you do not despair when you leave your cell phone within your partner's reach, as you know he will not rummage through your things. And even if he did, there would be nothing to worry about. Respect for individual privacy only happens when there is trust between the couple.
Power and obligations are equally divided
In a toxic relationship, it is very clear that there is a partner who "commands" and a partner who "obeys." It is always the same person who decides whether or not to go out, where you go and what will be the priorities of the couple. In addition, the person who obeys is responsible for performing all the obligations that should be shared between the couple, such as doing household chores and taking care of children.
When the relationship is healthy, the partners come to a consensus on the decisions, always taking them together. In the same way, the obligations are also divided between the two, having cooperation between the couple.
You two have constructive discussions
Having a healthy relationship does not mean that there is never any disagreement and that one partner will never hurt the other. The total absence of fights is a very idealized idea of a relationship. Conflict is natural in any relationship and it is a sign that the two of you are trying to communicate something to each other. The problem is when you feel there is something wrong, but you are not comfortable saying that to your partner. Disagreeing, showing what hurt and clarifying misunderstandings are healthy attitudes toward the relationship, as they demonstrate that partners are interested in finding a solution. Obviously, discussions with physical or verbal aggression are not constructive in any way. Each person is unique so it can be difficult to say that certain behavior proves that a relationship is toxic. If you feel disrespected and voided or realize that you are betraying yourself to avoid conflict, consider whether it really pays to dwell on that relationship.
The differences are welcome
The partners do not need to have the same opinion on everything for the relationship to work. Often, it is the differences that attract two people, whether in the taste for a certain food, movie genre, the hobbies and the interests of each one.
The problem is when the couple sees these differences as a threat and seeks to deny their existence, and is no longer being able to appreciate the individual characteristics.
It is clear that there are differences in values that are virtually impossible to reconcile or that could put one partner at risk. When I talk about appreciating the differences, we are referring to those characteristics that make each person unique.
There is honesty between you two
A healthy relationship should be honest and open. If you are hiding information or lying to him, it may be necessary to question whether your relationship really is valid. Being honest is worth to both. If it's looking like he lies or cheats, there's something to worry about.
You two are happy when you are near and far from each other
Of course, you want to spend more time together, but your relationship is also strong when you are away from each other. Even in happier and healthier relationships, you still need time for yourself. When you are not together, you should be able to trust him and know that he is thinking of you too.
Do you feel comfortable expressing yourself
He loves you when you're angry, hungry, with messy hair, and when you're out of tune when you sing. Your relationship is based on who you are and not in your appearance or what you should be. And there is no judgment when you eat peanut butter or ice cream straight from the pot as a midnight snack.
There is mutual respect
Of course, you will not agree at all, but there is a good deal of respect for the things you disagree with (even though you know you have more taste for, movies and music than he does).
There is balance
There must be both giving and receiving in a balanced and healthy relationship. If he is domineering, controlling, or bossy, take time to rethink some things. And while it's okay to argue a bit, if you're always arguing about something, things may not be working as well as you think.
When we are in a relationship some characteristics and signs can help us to identify whether if the relationship is toxic or not. Being in a relationship should not be a mandatory requirement for us to feel complete. But for a relationship to be worthwhile, it needs to bring in things that complement us, allowing us to be an even better version of ourselves.
When we are in love, we may come across some partner attitudes that are not at all positive. Often, the tendency is to find justification for these actions, even if you are very hurt.
Realizing that you are in a toxic relationship is not easy, but this is the first step to being able to get out of this situation and resume your life. Know some differences between healthy and toxic relationships to help you with this mission:
You act the same way with or without him.
With your friends and family, you're a cheerful, talkative, laid-back person, but when you're with your partner, do you feel you should be more restrained and quiet? This is not a good sign. In healthy relationships, we do not feel the need to "adjust" our behavior in the partner's presence. On the contrary, it is with him that we can be ourselves.
Your partner encourages your dreams
Even if your dreams are not exactly the same, partners who are in a healthy relationship support one another in achieving one's goals.
If on the other hand, your partner always suggests that your dreams are unreachable, that you should not go after them or even that you do not have the capacity to perform them, this attitude indicates a lack of fellowship on his part.
You feel free to do your thing and what you like
A mature partner knows that keeping other interests beyond relationship is necessary and beneficial to both people. So when you are in a healthy relationship, you feel free to maintain your friendships and practice your hobbies you used to do, whether it is running, doing a dance class, gym, attending cooking classes, and so on.
When a partner prevents you from keeping your old interests, whether by doing emotional blackmail ("I can not stay away from you!") Or outright prohibiting, for me this is a sure sign that the relationship is not healthy.
You still have your privacy
It is not uncommon to find jokes about the fact that a person is very afraid that his partner will discover the password of the cell phone. While many people see it as a laughing stock, the way a couple deals with privacy can also be a sign that it is a toxic relationship.
When you have a healthy relationship, you do not despair when you leave your cell phone within your partner's reach, as you know he will not rummage through your things. And even if he did, there would be nothing to worry about. Respect for individual privacy only happens when there is trust between the couple.
Power and obligations are equally divided
In a toxic relationship, it is very clear that there is a partner who "commands" and a partner who "obeys." It is always the same person who decides whether or not to go out, where you go and what will be the priorities of the couple. In addition, the person who obeys is responsible for performing all the obligations that should be shared between the couple, such as doing household chores and taking care of children.
When the relationship is healthy, the partners come to a consensus on the decisions, always taking them together. In the same way, the obligations are also divided between the two, having cooperation between the couple.
You two have constructive discussions
Having a healthy relationship does not mean that there is never any disagreement and that one partner will never hurt the other. The total absence of fights is a very idealized idea of a relationship. Conflict is natural in any relationship and it is a sign that the two of you are trying to communicate something to each other. The problem is when you feel there is something wrong, but you are not comfortable saying that to your partner. Disagreeing, showing what hurt and clarifying misunderstandings are healthy attitudes toward the relationship, as they demonstrate that partners are interested in finding a solution. Obviously, discussions with physical or verbal aggression are not constructive in any way. Each person is unique so it can be difficult to say that certain behavior proves that a relationship is toxic. If you feel disrespected and voided or realize that you are betraying yourself to avoid conflict, consider whether it really pays to dwell on that relationship.
The differences are welcome
The partners do not need to have the same opinion on everything for the relationship to work. Often, it is the differences that attract two people, whether in the taste for a certain food, movie genre, the hobbies and the interests of each one.
The problem is when the couple sees these differences as a threat and seeks to deny their existence, and is no longer being able to appreciate the individual characteristics.
It is clear that there are differences in values that are virtually impossible to reconcile or that could put one partner at risk. When I talk about appreciating the differences, we are referring to those characteristics that make each person unique.
There is honesty between you two
A healthy relationship should be honest and open. If you are hiding information or lying to him, it may be necessary to question whether your relationship really is valid. Being honest is worth to both. If it's looking like he lies or cheats, there's something to worry about.
You two are happy when you are near and far from each other
Of course, you want to spend more time together, but your relationship is also strong when you are away from each other. Even in happier and healthier relationships, you still need time for yourself. When you are not together, you should be able to trust him and know that he is thinking of you too.
Do you feel comfortable expressing yourself
He loves you when you're angry, hungry, with messy hair, and when you're out of tune when you sing. Your relationship is based on who you are and not in your appearance or what you should be. And there is no judgment when you eat peanut butter or ice cream straight from the pot as a midnight snack.
There is mutual respect
Of course, you will not agree at all, but there is a good deal of respect for the things you disagree with (even though you know you have more taste for, movies and music than he does).
There is balance
There must be both giving and receiving in a balanced and healthy relationship. If he is domineering, controlling, or bossy, take time to rethink some things. And while it's okay to argue a bit, if you're always arguing about something, things may not be working as well as you think.
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